Week 3
Body and Soul
Body and Soul
I have many thoughts and feelings on pronouns and the surrounding discourse! I remember 10 years ago, a friend of mine who typically presents as feminine, started using they/them pronouns. They didn’t start dressing more masc/androgynous than before, and continued to present very femme. This was the first time that a friend I knew well decided to forgo the gender binary and choose neutrality.
In the years since this, a large number of other people in my life, including 3 of my best friends, have switched to gender-neutral pronouns. I love my friends dearly, and I make as much effort as I can to use their correct pronouns. I also advocate for them whenever I hear someone else use their incorrect pronouns. Sometimes I mess up! But I correct myself and move on, whether or not they are present. I’ve heard how painful it is to be misgendered, but I will never really know what that's like. I am a cisgendered woman, and am typically read as such by all who encounter me.
While I am an ally to my trans and nonbinary friends, I grapple with the politics around pronoun discourse. In most classes I've taken, it's a given that you share your pronouns along with your name on the first day. I was a bit shocked this did not happen in all of my classes at OISE! I have several friends (outside the MT program) who, as a way of being gender inclusive, default to using they/them pronouns for everyone they meet, and sometimes those they’ve known for years. I’ve had a few friends they/them me and I really don’t like it! I understand I shouldn’t assume someone’s gender, but is that policy practical in the “real world”? I WANT to be assumed to be a woman. I will never feel the dysphoria experienced by my trans friends, but in those moments I do feel uncomfortable!
I understand why some believe I should not refer to mixed groups of people as “guys”, and why I should have alternative language, especially for my future students. Everyone around me though, including my nonbinary friends, says “guys”!! All the time! Two of my best friends (both nonbinary), have discussed this with me and say “we’re guys too!” and “guys is gender neutral actually!” I also, personally, hate to use “friends,” “folks,” or “y’all” as alternatives. To me, these words conjure a particular atmosphere/aesthetic of hand-wringing political correctness, and it doesn’t feel like me!!! I also believe that focusing so heavily on right and wrong language risks detracting from real concrete actions toward equity.
I know these are complex, evolving conversations that I’ll continue to have with friends and colleagues. I am aware of the privilege of having my gender identity match what I was assigned at birth, and I intend to keep listening to the desires, wishes and hopes of my trans and nonbinary friends.
References:
Pronouns: A Resource, Supporting Transgender and Gender Nonconforming (GNC) Educators and Students. GLSEN. https://www.glsen.org/sites/default/files/GLSEN%20Pronouns%20Resource.pdf.
Pronouns: A Resource, Supporting Transgender and Gender Nonconforming (GNC) Educators and Students. GLSEN. https://www.glsen.org/sites/default/files/GLSEN%20Pronouns%20Resource.pdf.